| Each and every behaviour is motivated by a desire to achieve something useful to that person. Whether or not we judge it to be appropriate is immaterial. For that individual, they are doing the best that they can do at the time they are doing it. There is nothing wrong with any particular behaviour (for the individual that is doing the behaviour) however the appropriateness, time and context may be an issue for others.
Now this is a real toughie, because who on earth can excuse despicable, diabolical behaviours from tyrants or murderers? Fortunately we are not suggesting that we should excuse, but that we look at a behavoiur from a different viewpoint. Instead of saying “that was bad behaviour” and judging it outright, this presupposition suggests that we may get a better understanding of it if we look at “how the behaviour has served the person doing it”. Many behaviours are most certainly wrong and should be condemned. But to stop the behaviours from continuing, it behoves us to understand what is the motivation behind the behaviour. What is going on that means this behaviour is serving the perpetrator, and what is happening in their lives that needs filling in a better/more socially acceptable way? Tips for using this presuppositionWhen you notice a puzzling style or type of behaviour, ask yourself – what is it getting for the person doing it? A ‘naughty’ child misbehaves and gets a smack. Why would the child want to do that again? Consider that it might be the only attention the child is able to gain from an otherwise emotionally distant parent. Now you can understand more when the child misbehaves persistently. This is not about excusing the individual but it is about gaining a new perspective, a different viewpoint and one that might be more compassionate and serve you (and them) better than outright condemnation.
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