We all have an ongoing dialogue in our heads (you didn’t think it was just you did you?). Sometimes we’re kind to ourselves, other times not so kind. However did you know that the frequency of the not-so-kind conversations are a) much more often than the encouraging conversations, and b) often really harsh?
We wouldn’t stay friends with someone who talked to us the way we talk to ourselves
I invite you to take a brief snapshot of your next conversation with yourself. Perhaps you’ll call yourself a name “Oh you @~#&*$ “, or tell yourself “Don’t be so stupid”. Would you really say this out loud to a dear friend? No way! Well then, it’s time to censor our conversation with ourselves and be kinder. Why? 
Our brain cannot tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not real…
… so a conversation when you are putting yourself down, and telling yourself you’re a silly bugger (or worse) means that your brain is going to be thinking this is actually the truth. We can spiral ourselves into a fight-or-flight stress reaction, start pumping adrenalin and cortisol and generally do ourselves a lot of harm – just from having an internal conversation that’s stress-inducing.
Which means that we might as well be nice to ourselves and get the benefit
Now thsi isn’t some positive-psychology, everything-in-the-garden-is-rosy stuff – but it does mean that I’m suggesting instead of saying “OMG the world is going to end, I’m such an idiot”, we say something more comforting and appropriate, like: “yes, this is a bit of a mess at the moment, but in a while it will all be forgotten, and the best use of my time right now would be some self-care”.
Sounds easy? Well it’s not difficult. However the tricky part is the self-awareness to catch yourself talking to your inner stressor. Manage that bit, and you’ll be on a roll.
How to catch yourself and turn your inner chatter around?
There are a number of different opinions on how long it takes to form a habit. 7 days, 21 days, 42 days. It almost doesn’t matter – because the best way to catch yourself it to turn it into a habit. Here’s the NIPP process:
Notice
When you notice that you are giving yourself a hard time. Stop! (NB: Do not beat yourself up about beating yourself up. Just notice and stop)
Improve
Kindly and gently say “now what would be a better thing to tell myself”?
Positive
Formulate a positive and kind sentence in your head and tell it to yourself
Pat
Finally – give yourself a well done Pat on the back for noticing, for stopping and for telling yourself something more useful instead.
Remember: You wouldn’t talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself, so change your inner dialogue and you’ll transform your outer experience.
